PUBLISHED: 1:47 PM on Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Dear CCW:On a recent trip down to Florida we decided to rent a convertible. Being from Juneau it seemed to make since to see what it is like to drive with the sun in our face and the wind in our hair. It was great! Ah...the open road! But there are a few things about driving in Florida in a convertible that you really need to know. First off the fine citizens of Florida cannot drive! Now I don't meant that they drive poorly, I mean that if you were to put a car in gear and toss a brick on the accelerator and jump out that car it would be operated in a safer fashion than all of the other cars on the highway! They make Seattle drivers look skilled! Secondly, Florida is flat! The only hills in that state are manmade. They are the landfill mounds. I asked our friends if these were the only "mountains" in Florida and they said, "Yep, Mount Trashmore is all we have." The third issue comes when you realize that you are stopped at a traffic signal and there are seagulls flying overhead. You quickly find yourself hoping that none of those winged beach rats needs to relieve its self! Then after a long day of fun with the wind in our hair, eh I should say my lovely wife's hair since I don't have any! I went to run my fingers through her hair only to find that it had become like a frayed rope! Not just any frayed rope but the kind you would find at Western Auto, you know the yellow plastic type that does not sink! My sweet Rasta mama! It was a great time but you have all now been warned!
J. Kevin Curry