Dear Rex,
Ask Rex: Worried about human waist 031313 AE 1 Capital City Weekly Dear Rex,
Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Story last updated at 3/13/2013 - 2:06 pm

Ask Rex: Worried about human waist

Dear Rex,

I am what you would call a fitness buff. I eat only the finest food with the best ingredients, I see my vet for a health exam every year (sometimes more often), I am up on all of my vaccinations, my teeth get cleaned on a regular basis and I exercise daily. I have heard the trails in Juneau might be closed to dogs because of dog waste that is being left all over. Could this be true? If so, I am very upset and extremely concerned. Not for myself mind you. I'll just eat the couch. It's my human that worries me. Every day I put him on the end of a rope and drag him around so he will get some exercise and keep that spare tire down to a manageable size. What in the world will happen to him if I can't get him outdoors to get in some walking? It won't be pretty. I can tell you that. Closing the trails to dogs because of waste will lead to an overabundance of human waist.

-Worried About Human Waist

Dear Worried,

Frankly I am worried too. I see all my pals out on the trails and it is really fun for me. Then when I go home I am tired and can just curl up and take a nice long nap. After that, a bit of dinner and I am good for the night. I haven't eaten a couch in years. The bottom line here is we may leave it...but it's the human's job to pick it up. I hear the humans all the time complaining about this. I guess people think that if no one sees their dog leaving a pile, then it is like it isn't there. But, people are looking...and from what I hear they are looking where they step instead of the beautiful scenery. What makes me mad is that we are the ones who are going to suffer. So listen up humans...obviously you don't care enough about us that you will do what you are supposed to do. So, be selfish...look at your waist and your checkbook. Can your middle stand some expansion? Can you afford a new wardrobe for that expanding girth? If the answer is no...then start picking up. Please quit using the excuse that the city didn't put up enough bag dispensers and bags, provide enough garbage cans, or post enough signs. And don't think that dark of night or the lack of other people who can see you means you can leave it where it lays. It doesn't. Start being part of the solution because the consequences are dire for all of us.


Rex is a Border Collie who is employed by the Gastineau Humane Society. He works part time as an advice columnist and pet detective.

To reach Rex with pet questions send them c/o Gastineau Humane Society: 7705 Glacier Highway, Juneau, or call 789-0260.