PUBLISHED: 10:58 AM on Wednesday, February 9, 2005
Dog vs. kid rant...
Dear CCW:

I have been thinking a lot lately, I know that alone is scary, and I have decided that my dogs are way better than your kids! Let me tell you why. When I first brought them home I was able to put a little food and water on the floor and leave them for hours on end without the fear of being arrested. Yes they made a mess of things but no jail time for me! As they get older I get to use "shock", eh I mean training collars to encourage the behavior that I desire. Try that with your kids and see what happens! If my dog happens to get "knocked up" I can sell the puppies and therefore profit from the situation. I also have the ability to receive "stud fees" if my dog is of high enough pedigree. Trust me your child is NOT of high enough pedigree! And if my dog turns out bad I can have it put down. Need I say more? Okay if you insist! My dog never comes home drunk, never smokes pot, never talks back, and always loves me! So there!

J. Kevin Curry